WHEN DOES

WHEN DOES?

When does –

'this is just how stars align'

come into it

when can I blame indoctrination

and be given a space like the others

the others I've helped to other

when would my version of exhaustion no longer shine a light

on my privilege

When does dress sense, common sense, no spark,

play a part

Surely they deserve their own separate heavenly body

so that my unbridled expressions

brew me as something more exotic

than toxic.

And If I'm toxic,

Do as you wish to do.

if you leave I won't hound you

if you stay

Protect your frankly newer self. You and the

so much more informed

– all the black Authors sold out on amazon -

journey you are on.

Protect you first – do that thoroughly

then come to me

me and my – finding ways to feel respected

a place where I've already raised my voice

or disconnected.

This is just how stars align

Define the patriarchy

to me –

it sounds like a bird of prey some say,

broods beyond the view of my race and class

so I too can play the wounded bird

when it strikes down on my race or class

Bell Hooks tells me the patriarchy

strikes first for my emotions

so I of course wanted to prove her wrong

took my emotions

down to a party

showered the whole thing

on a black woman who

popped to the toilet

and never came back the same

came back hiding parts of herself

as if I were a wounded bird in falcon feathers

After that, I pitched my emotions to my best friend

gave him everything

to which one worded returns

was all he could offer

beyond last weeks' telling me

how to fix things proper

After that night, my emotions went back

from whence they came

because a thing that doesn't listen

should be a thing that's swallowed whole

feathers and all

that's how to take control

that's how to hide the stench of fear

we're told

makes straight women feel repulsed

So don't blame me for assuming dominion

this is the very same dominion that

rebelled with the world against capitalism,

rebelled with the world against racism

planed a coup d'état against the monarchy

and even today – most people's point of entry

starts from a dead man's body

or a dead man's copper statue.

Assuming dominion is the great mistake

Bell Hooks states

letting others do the emotions for you

has a lesser value

when not even you know from

where within your pain is carried into

But are certain one day

it will convert into rage

better to turn this dominion against your dominion

even if you're too far gone from the authentic self

unlearning is the new literacy

then an emotional literacy

and then endless repetition

and if that battle of attrition is one day won

shunning your privileged peers is the next

great mistake

not because it's too early

but because it's too late

CHIMA NSOEDO